Tinker Bell and the Pirate Fairy. That’s right.

tinkerbell-the-pirate-fairy-03-636-380Although it’s not bad, Tinker Bell & The Pirate Fairy is dull, forgettable and soulless.

by Callum Petch

I should preface this review with two disclaimers.  1] I am not familiar with the Tinker Bell series of, predominately, straight-to-DVD mini-features starring the voice of Mae Whitman (Suzie from Johnny Bravo, Ann “Her?” Veal from Arrested Development and Katara from Avatar: The Last Airbender NO, THE OTHER, GOOD AVATAR: THE LAST AIRBENDER) as Tinker Bell that Disney’s DisneyToons arm has been steadily pumping out since 2008.  Well, I mean, I am now but that’s because I’m doing basic factual research to help with this review.  Going in, beforehand, I knew zippo and if it weren’t for my continuing mission to absorb all of the animation as it happens, I likely wouldn’t have turned up because… 2] This film, like the rest of the series, is going straight-to-DVD in America which is always a good sign (and those who wonder precisely why should go and stomach as much of So Undercover, a Miley Cyrus fronted “comedy” that underwent the same release plan as this film has, and consider their question answered).

Nevertheless, I wanted to like Tinker Bell & The Pirate Fairy.  Hell, I wanted to like it more so than I normally want to like films that I go and see.  After all, the series is predominately for little girls and god knows they deserve a higher calibre of animated fare aimed at them than there is currently available.  Just over a year ago, now, I allowed My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic to surprise the living hell out of me and there needs to be more like that littering the animation landscape.  Tinker Bell has been running for over half a decade, so it must be doing something right.  But, most importantly, I gave Mr. Peabody & Sherman a shot and that somehow knocked it out of the park.  I mean, if DreamWorks Animation, who I have nearly always despised, can get close to a home run, then surely DisneyToons, whose priors include this series and the abominable Planes, can turn in a decent 78 minutes, right?

To be fair, Tinker Bell & The Pirate Fairy is not a bad way to pass the time.  It is seven hundred million miles better than anything the Barbie franchise is churning out, which I guess already puts it in the higher echelons of entertainment primarily made for little girls by default, and the kids in my packed showing (I had to move seats thrice before the film started and, being the only one there without a kid or a parent, several guardians looked like they were within spitting distance of calling the police on me) seemed enthralled by it.  The problem is that “It’s not particularly bad” is really the only thing this film has going for it.  The direct-to-DVD origins are abundantly obvious in almost every aspect, from the run time (which is barely a hair over 70 minutes before the credits kick in, I spent more time on the bus ride back home than I did in the theatre and that includes previews and ads), to the budget animation, to the compressed plot, to the lack of imagination in the action sequences, to the side-lining of a tonne of its cast…  If this was just a straight-to-DVD release, I may have been tempted to give it a full-on pass.  But, much like with Planes, this is a cinema release and, as such, means that, however implicitly, it wants to be judged on the same level as The Lego Movie or Mr. Peabody & Sherman or Frozen.  And judge it I shall!  Right now, in fact.

The animation seems as good a place to start talking as any.  Although, unlike Planes, it’s not bad, it’s not particularly good, either (which, by the way, is a phrase that can be applied to just about every facet of the film).  There’s a lack of dynamism throughout.  By which I mean: there are several setpieces involving characters flying about whilst the camera tries to keep track, but it often just looks like the characters are stuck still whilst the environment contorts itself to make it seem like they’re moving.  Ever been on one of those virtual-reality rollercoaster rides?  The kind that purport to take you through mystical lands on a whirlwind ride where in reality you’re just watching a video screen whilst the seat you’re sitting in shakes back and forth in random directions?  Yeah, it’s a lot like that and it’s pretty noticeable.  It never feels like the fairies are chasing after things, trying to avoid danger or are, in fact, in much of any danger at all.

Then there’s the lack of detail in just about every area.  There are many segments set at night or involving the manipulation of light, but they lack “wow”, they lack the wonder of seeing dots of light illuminating the dark, it just feels like a blob of a brighter shade of colour has been dabbed into a shot (although credit is due for resisting a garish, primary-colour only colour scheme).  A short sequence involving the fairies sliding through a foliage next to a waterfall seems to lack running water, although it’s mostly hidden by shaking the camera around to near-disorientating levels.  Water in general, meanwhile, is at about Finding Nemo levels.  That’s circa 2003 for those keeping track at home, so it’s passable but it’s not, say, Frozen.  The production values in general are just slightly above the fare you’d find on Disney Junior today which, again, would be understandable for a film sent straight-to-DVD but instead look downright embarrassing when sat right next to, say, The Lego Movie as it quite literally was (The Lego Movie was actually playing in the cinema screen next to me as I left).

Oh, also, though I’d leave this part under subjective “newcomer to the franchise” opinion as criticising a series’ character design and art style six films in is kinda pointless, I’m not fully sold on the art style.  It sits at some kinda very uncomfortable halfway house between outwardly cartoony, mid-budget CGI Disney Channel series and the “we’re not even going to hide the fact that our toys come first and foremost” plastic lifelessness of what I have seen of third-generation Barbie films and its lack of commitment to either side creates character designs, and especially faces, that are distractingly weird in motion, up-close and in motion up-close.  The film has one successful character design; the one that commits to a singular style and that’s a baby crocodile that’s designed in what I am quite certain is technically known as OH MY GODS, HE IS SSSSSOOOOOOO CUUUUUUUTTTEEEEE!!!  I must, however, give props to the character designers for designing the pixies with a range of body types, notably mainly going for a fuller look instead of a parade of hourglass figures.  Seriously, this kind of variety in kids’ programming counts and we should encourage it when possible.

If this is your first Tinker Bell adventure, and I have a feeling that there are very few people who will have taken a look at this film and decided that now of all times was the time to get on the bandwagon but in any case, I’d recommend watching some other ones beforehand because the film seems to assume that this isn’t your first rodeo with the series and explains very little.  So, naturally, I was completely lost as to who these other fairies following Tinker Bell around were and how their talents related to each other.  In fact, one of the main conflicts of the film, that each fairy ends up having their specialised talents switched with one another (which, thanks to animation lead times, does sound a lot like the “Magical Mystery Cure” episode of Friendship Is Magic, now that you mention it), carries little weight because, err, I had no idea what their talents were in the first place.

Not that prior knowledge would help much, mind, as all of Tinker Bell’s fairies and even Tink herself are relegated to the side-lines for large chunks of this very short story.  The film seems more content to focus on said pirate fairy, newcomer to the series Zarina (voiced by Christina Hendricks, who seems to be making a habit of popping up in cartoons and stuff in general that I am interested in and/or like), and her number two in the crew, human pirate James (voiced by, of all people, Tom freakin’ Hiddleston); so much so that it might as well have been called Zarina’s Middle-Sized Adventure, With Those Other Fairies Too, I Guess.  The story begins with a good 10 minute prelude sequence (which, again, is 1/7 of the film) designed solely to introduce her and the things that make her tick, before she’s ostracised for causing an accident.  Tink and her friends, who pretty much have interchangeable personalities in this outing (excluding one who seems to like fashion and hate gross things despite being a flower fairy), are relegated to basically turning Zarina back to the good side and nothing else.  Maybe a longer runtime would have solved this; I’m struggling to think of stuff in Zarina’s arc that could have been cut to make room for scenes with the other half of the titular characters but I’m drawing a blank.

In addition, the ruthless efficiency in getting from A to B and out the door thank you very much for coming buy our merchandise in all good stores, means that there’s a lack of heart powering the whole thing.  Yes, a lot of time is fostered on Zarina, but the inevitable outcome of her adventure rang hollow for me.  It hits all of the heart-warming and feel-good beats without ever really feeling committed to it.  More cynical audience members or, say, anyone over the age of 8 will instead see it as their cue to start getting together their stuff for leaving.  I just didn’t really care about any of these characters and I got the feeling that the film didn’t either.  Nobody is ever in any real danger, nobody is particularly endearing, everybody except for The Fairy That Is Either Kristen Chenoweth Or A Scarily Good Kristen Chenoweth Impersonator (which of the two it is depends on which corner of the Internet you look and, no, I don’t make notes during a film screening), Zarina (because she’s the focus of the film), James (for reasons that are decent enough for me to decide to not spoil) and Tinker Bell (for obvious reasons), I couldn’t tell you a single thing about any of these characters and game performances by every single cast member can’t elevate substandard material.

Look, I’m sounding really down on Tinker Bell & The Pirate Fairy.  This review has been nothing but negativity from almost the word go and I didn’t really mean for it to be.  It’s just that listing a film’s various problems is far more interesting and readable material than, “Meh.  It was OK whilst it lasted.  Nothing special, nothing dreadful.”  It’s reasonably engaging, very sporadically amusing and should probably be commended for sticking to its adventure premise throughout and not backing out from a sword-fight finale for stereotypical girly non-sequiturs, like fashion modelling sequences (of which there are none).  It’s the kind of thing you put on to amuse your kids whilst you do the ironing in the same room: not so bad that its continued existence drives you insane, but not so good that you become distracted by it and end up burning a hole in your clothes or something (full disclosure: I have no idea how ironing works).

In other words: acceptable direct-to-DVD stuff that kids will probably love whilst it lasts and then completely forget about 10 minutes later.  But you wanna know something?  Straight fter seeing this, I indulged myself and went straight into a screening of Frozen (which I’d already seen and which was almost nearly as packed as Tinker Bell, despite now being nearly four months old) and all I wanted to do after coming out of the cinema two hours later was talk about Frozen, or buy the Frozen soundtrack, or book tickets to a sing-along screening of Frozen, or, quite frankly, just keep thinking about Frozen.  By contrast, after seeing Tinker Bell, all I wanted to do was see Frozen and file this review so that I could go back to ruminating on Frozen when I left the Frozen cinema screen.  Point is: kids’ films can do better and kids deserve better and even attempting to insinuate that Tinker Bell is anywhere close to the levels that other kids’ films can, have and are achieving is laughable.

I dunno, maybe this series really is something excellent.  Maybe The Pirate Fairy is a lower-tier entry in the franchise.  Maybe some of the other ones, the ones that were released direct-to-DVD, are more than just inoffensive background noise.  Maybe I should cut it some more slack because it’s a film for little girls that doesn’t patronise and insult them in every other frame.  Maybe I should lay off because it’s more than decent for something that’s supposed to be direct-to-DVD.  Maybe I should, but I know that this medium can do better.  My Little Pony: Equestria Girls is coming to cinemas in a limited engagement in two weeks.  That’s also a direct-to-DVD film primarily aimed at little girls that doesn’t talk down to or patronise them; it’s also a million times better than this one by virtue of not being the film equivalent of white noise.  If you have to take your kids to one direct-to-DVD-made little girls’ cinema-release movie, you’d be better off with that one and to wait for Tinker Bell & The Pirate Fairy to hit the bargain bins, where its incessant mediocrity will be less of an issue.

Then again: the kids in my screen seemed to like it and I’m a 19 year-old man who seriously just wrote 3 and a half A4 pages about the worth of a film aimed at little girls to sell toys.  So, you know, take that for what it’s worth.

Callum Petch is living in a compromise.  He normally writes movie reviews and box office reports for Screened.com.  Follow him on the Twitters: @CallumPetch

6 thoughts on “Tinker Bell and the Pirate Fairy. That’s right.”

  1. I will say, everyone has their own opinion, and yours truly is that of a 19yr old young guy. Point being? The movie is not made for you. You also admitted that you don’t have any children, so you haven’t entered into the world of watching movies and shows, and listening to songs you have no interest in, but enjoying it because you have children and they love it.

    We bought this DVD exactly one week ago, and we have watched it so many times I’ve already lost count. My girls have been begging for this movie, because every other little girl we know also has it. Had it come out in theaters, we would have spent the money on tickets, and I wouldn’t have been disappointed in the movie on the big screen either. The movie was made for little girls, and little girls love it. You, sir, are no little girl. It’s also a bit difficult to give an opinion/ write a review on an individual movie, when you’ve never seen any of the series’ movies that came before it.

    As far as comparing it to other movies … You’re right , it’s no Frozen, but then again, neither are most of the animated movies out there. Frozen is one of the most successful animated movies out there, having already broken multiple records in the short 7months since it came out in theaters. As far as comparing it to My Little Pony’s Equestria Girls … I have only seen one episode of that series, and it was about a pony with a self esteem/ self image problem, who developed an eating disorder. I felt those topics, while important for girls, were not appropriate for my barely 4year old twin girls. I am not meaning to talk bad about Equestria Girls (my kids love the other MLP series), my point is that since you do not have children, your opinion on appropriate topics in children’s movies might be a bit skewed.

    You might have been disappointed by the graphics, but I thought they were pretty good. My kids didn’t complain either … Kids don’t care about the complex graphics you think are necessary. When it all boils down to it, the movie is made for little kids (girls in particular) after all, not 19 year old guys.

    Everyone is entitled to give their own opinion. And I found your description to be more of an opinion rather than an unbiased, accurate depiction of the movie. But, that’s just my two cents. I just came across your entry because I was trying to see if Kristin Chenoweth voiced one of the characters, and your review appeared in my search results.

    1. Hi, Sara.

      First off, thank you for actually taking the time to read the whole review and feeling strongly enough to write a response of that length. I don’t get that many comments on stuff I write (never have) and I rarely get comments that are as lengthy and well-written as yours. That was nice to see, so thank you for that.

      The argument that a film or certain genre of film or television or the like can get a pass because “it’s not supposed to be for me” is one I have always personally disliked. I don’t like having to affix that asterisk to a recommendation or a panning. I mean, yeah, of course by seeing a kids’ film I am expecting something far different and have separate metrics for success than if I was going to see, say, an Oscar-bait drama, but I still rank everything by the metric of “was that a film that I would recommend to other people?”

      I get that the film isn’t aimed at myself, the ageing fan of animation. Really, I do. I get who it is aimed for, it’s just that I personally believe that children deserve better. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t bad by any sense of the word (and I have seen some atrocious animated kids films this year so I know what I’m talking about) and I get that it’s not trying to be Frozen. But what if it was? And, in fact, what if all animated films tried to operate on the level of Frozen or The Lego Movie or Pixar in their prime? Wouldn’t that be amazing? There will always be a place for decent yet forgettable animated kids fare, but I can’t help but want to enjoy great films and have the “kids film” thing be incidental to proceedings.

      I went into a bit more detail about my stance on cartoons, as a lover of the form who is well outside the target audience by this point, in a recent article on the site if you feel like reading it. Trust me, the “it’s not supposed to be for you” thing is something that has been causing me anxieties for a while now so it’s not a view I hold lightly. (https://failedcritics.com/2014/05/15/am-i-ruining-cartoons/)

      As for the “And I found your description to be more of an opinion rather than an unbiased, accurate depiction of the movie.” I apologise but reviews are opinions which means that, by their nature, they are biased. They are informed by my age, my personal likes and dislikes, my politics, my standings on certain societal matters and my beliefs. If I wanted to, I could write an unbiased and accurate description of the movie, but then I’d be writing a Wikipedia synopsis or the back of a DVD box and that’s not particularly a career path I am interested in.

      For what it’s worth, though, that last line before my plugs is the truth. I will never, and have never, attempt to pass my opinions off on a movie as speaking for everyone. Different people will get different reactions from certain films and I wanted to call special attention to the fact that the children in my screening enjoyed it. After all, for a lot of people, that little factoid will be worth far more than the ramblings of a 19-year-old hack who can’t edit down anything to save his life. If you and your children managed to get some enjoyment out of this film, fair play to you and I am glad that you did. I can only speak for my experiences, is all.

      I will give you the calling out of the fact that I hadn’t taken the time to see other instalments in the series before seeing this one, by the way. I really should have done some full-on research and watched at least one before seeing this. It is poor critic etiquette to have not done so, so I will give you that one. When I finally get some free time, I am going to sit down and give some other entries a watch. I know that doesn’t exactly help now, but it’s still something I plan to do, anyway.

      Finally, don’t worry, I totally understand your stance on MLP and you are more than entitled to it. I only made the comparison because it’s the closest thing I can find to this franchise. It’s a sub-genre I need to expand my knowledge in, what can I say? I am curious as to which episode you are referring to, though, because I can’t think of any in Friendship Is Magic that’s about eating disorders. Unless it’s one that just aired (“Inspiration Manifestation”) in which it is a passing reference. In any case, that’s fine and I respect your views.

      Also, I feel that it would be remiss if I didn’t mention that the “That’s Right” part of the review title was not put there by me (this was posted before I became a full-on member of the site) and I would not have allowed it to be put there if I had any power at the time.

      OK, that was almost as long as the review itself. Thank you for commenting, thank you for reading all of this if you made it all the way down here, and I hope you at least are tempted enough to check back in on the site every now and again.


      P.S. Did you ever find out if that was Kristin Chenoweth? It’s bugging the hell out of me! Does the DVD not say?

  2. Okay, I’ll be honest, I stopped reading your review early on. Quite frankly, your opinion is weak as you admittedly have NEVER watched any of the other movies. Then you go as far as to blame Disney for not giving enough background information so newcomers aren’t confused. Seriously? You wrote a novel of a review and didn’t even think it was a good idea to go back and watch the other 4 movies? These movies have been on Netflix instant streaming for years! You can even watch The Pirate Fairy on Netflix now…it was added to Netflix streaming not long after the movie was released on DVD. So for $8 a month, you could have watched the other 4 movies and actually made a good review. You have no excuse for not doing research!

    I will say this…I am an almost 30-year-old woman with three girls aged 4 and under and we LOVE these movies. In fact, my almost 30-year-old HUSBAND enjoys watching these movies. Sure, there are issues with continuity (which you don’t even realize because you’ve never watched the other movies), but a child (the audience these movies are generally aimed at) isn’t going to care about continuity issues. They just enjoy the characters and the story.

    You complain about graphics? These movies are beautiful. I don’t need to see ever little fiber of dust in the air, or whatever, and neither do children! Also, these movies always have beautiful music. I absolutely LOVE the music in these movies…the score and the one or two real songs that they include.

    People like you who have to pick apart every detail in movies to “critique” it have lost sight of the reason we watch movies in the first place: To be entertained. EVERY movie has flaws, even your beloved Frozen, which in my opinion, is not as good as the Tinkerbell movies. There is too much singing and little to no character development. At least in the Tinkerbell movies, for those who HAVE watched them all, we have seen these characters grow and develop. These are characters that we know and love.

    So next time you decide to post a review on the Internet, try to remember NOT to review the latest movie in a franchise without watching the other movies first! That seems like a no-brainer though!

    1. Hello, Nena.

      Your complaints seem rather similar to those delivered by Sara a while back. I don’t much fancy repeating too much of that (mainly cos I’m sick of writing lengthy walls of text with no images to break up the monotony) so I’ll be brief.

      The main crux of your issues come from my not having taken the time to see prior instalments in the series before seeing this one, and I will give you that. It is rather unprofessional; I wouldn’t mark a series like Fast & Furious or the Marvel films down for such a thing, so I shouldn’t have done so for this one. That’s a thing that I realised shortly after I wrote the review and is a thing that I have been aiming to fix in my future reviews (I’ve got to watch 4 bloody Step Up films before next weekend, for example). I do have Netflix but British content line-ups are different and don’t have Tinker Bell films on there, for the record (and, yes, I am aware that this is no excuse).

      My animation gripes come from the fact that, here in the UK, the film was released in cinemas and, so, I’m going to have to compare it to other cinema-released animated films, and it comes up short, I feel. If it were direct-to-DVD, I’d go much easier on it (reduced budgets and all). I understand the way I talk about it can come off as very nitpicky, picking out certain examples to illustrate the overall point, and I am trying to improve on it not looking like that. If nothing else, take comfort in the fact that this is nowhere near the worst looking animated film I have seen all year (it’s about in the middle, quite frankly). Believe me.

      The “it’s not supposed to be for you” critic is one I have addressed in this article (https://failedcritics.com/2014/05/15/am-i-ruining-cartoons/), is one I worry about every day as an animation fan, and one that I chose to offset here by specifically noting, in the final paragraph, that the target audience seemed to love it because, let’s face it, their opinions matter far more than mine.

      If you and your family get tonnes of enjoyment out of this film and the series overall, I am really happy for you. Sincerely. This review is not meant to be taken as a universal stamp of approval/disapproval, it is only what I personally thought of the film. And I thought it was OK. I didn’t hate it, but I didn’t particularly love it, either, so that’s what I spent far too long stating. I’m glad you enjoy the series and I hope you enjoy the many more to come. Maybe I’ll end up liking them too, someday.

      And I didn’t mean to insinuate that Frozen is perfect, for the record.


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