The Human Centipede 3

“100% politically incorrect”, a tagline that could not only be used to describe Tom Six’s The Human Centipede 3, but quite possibly our very own Paul Field, who sets about reviewing this monstrosity of a film.

by Paul Field (@pafster)

human centipede 3 2“Fake Outrage is Britain’s Oxygen”, says Sun TV Critic Ally Ross; and you know what, he’s right. Everybody is constantly offended by everything, and now that party has well and truly relocated itself to film land. Like those unwanted dullards who stay in the kitchen at house parties, bring nothing to the party themselves, but drink all the wine. Swivel-eyed femo nazi loons writing open letters to Joss Whedon lambasting him for the sexist Avengers Age of Ultron, basement dwelling porn addicts who are bashing their steroidal shrivelled cocks into the ground over Mad Max being feminist propaganda, the Cannes high heels door policy mob are clearly all women hating rapists…and so it goes on.

Then who rings the doorbell…? Tom Six.

Now you’ve actually got something to complain about. Now you’ve got The Human Centipede 3. A truly, horrible, nasty piece of work. Its so utterly, utterly wrong all of you complainers, you can now fill your boots. This is the gift you’ve been waiting for. Brutal, humiliating treatment of women, glorified and unnecessary violence, non-stop racist language & revelling in the absolute worst of humanity has to offer.

Me, I thought it was pretty funny.

The double meta whammy of the two previous films being works of fiction to be applied to a real world environment. Dieter Laser (The Human Centipede) is joined by Laurence R Harvey (Human Centipede 2) as the Governor and administrator of a US prison. Laser, who turns in a non-stop, over the top, bat-shit crazy performance that is so awful, it has to be seen to be believed, without subtitles, this film is barely audible, so horrendous is his diction. Harvey (who is from Wigan) as his long suffering side-kick delivers possibly the worst US accent ever committed to film. Bree Olson (loads of porn movies) turns up as the secretary, there only to be humiliated and er… TV’s Eric Roberts plays the state Governor.

We’re then treated to all sorts of depraved set pieces, from jars of clits, to fantastical rape deaths, acts of extreme violence and non-stop brutality, swearing and of course Laser screaming his lines like a demented baboon…. all building to the final Centipede…and another bonus critter they make….

It’s a deliberately terrible film, the biggest trolling experiment ever done, and I can’t wait for the swivel-eyed loons to bite. And for that reason alone, I love this film. I can’t applaud Tom Six enough for this, he revels in the abuse that’s thrown his way – and I can’t wait for it all to kick off.

The Human Centipede 3 is available through VOD now, and UK cinemas from July 10th.

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