The Failed Critics are available on Twitter and Facebook, and an in depth study of each of them can be found below. Should you wish to contribute to the site, send them free stuff, or tell them off, you can email them. Please be sure to use your favourite Jack Nicholson film quote as the subject line.
Podcast & Website Editor: Owen Hughes
Five favourite films: Night of the Living Dead (1968), 2001: A Space Odyssey, The Passion of Joan of Arc, Jurassic Park, Predator
Who would play you in the movie of your life: Jean-Claude Van Damme (I wish!)
Cinematic turn-offs: Anything accompanied by lyrics at the bottom of the screen
Often heard saying “yeah, I’m not a massive fan of that, but…” on the podcast to all of your favourite films, Owen is the resident prolific film watcher and editor for the Failed Critics website.
Podcast Host: Steve Norman
Five favourite films: Star Wars, Escape to Victory, Die Hard
Who would play you in the movie of your life: Despite me wanting to say Brad Pitt or some handsome bastard it’d be either Jonah Hill in a few years time or the late, great John Candy
Cinematic turn-offs: Musicals. Except South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut
Podcast host extraordinaire, Steve is a man whose logic defies convention. Stretching this to two lines is his biggest challenge. He succeeded.
Writers and Podcast Guests:
Name: Callum Petch
Five favourite films: Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, The Cabin In The Woods, Persepolis, Airplane!, Snatch
Who would play you in the movie of your life: Troy Baker because, quite frankly, that guy can play pretty much anything
Cinematic turn-offs: Sexism or misogyny of any kind, lazily and cynically constructed animated films
Callum Petch is hopelessly hopeful that, one day, someone will pay him to write and/or talk about films. Has he mentioned how much he loves animation and children’s cartoons today?
Name: Gerry McAuley
Five favourite films: Alien, Pan’s Labyrinth, Talk To Her, Grave of the Fireflies, The Dark Knight
Who would play you in the movie of your life: Joseph Gordon Levitt
Cinematic turn-offs: Seeing Tom Cruise in the cast list
Gerry was one of the original members of the podcast team and also writes articles for the site when he isn’t watching strange Spanish films or something to do with Batman. He likes most types of films, particularly those featuring Arnie or other 80s action heroes, but hates musicals.
Name: Kate Diamond
Five favourite films: Goodfellas, Brief Encounter, The Shawshank Redemption, Toy Story 3, Pulp Fiction
Who would play you in the movie of your life: Aubrey Plaza
Cinematic turn-offs: Independent films where nothing happens. Sequels that aren’t better than the original. Rom coms not starring Laura Linney
Kate was not available for comment.
Name: Matt Lambourne
Five Favourite Films: Fight Club, American History X, Godfather Pt II, Inception, Predator
Who would play you in the movie of your life: James Spader
Cinematic turn-offs: Sacrilegious remakes
Matt’s voyage into cinema began via work experience at aged 15 as an usher which lead to a natural progression into Cinema Contact Centre busy body. Being able to see new movies for free and having 100% disposable income to blow meant a lot of bad DVDs were bought and thus created a monster.
Name: Mike Shawcross
Five Favourite Films: Guardians of the Galaxy, Rush, Stake land, Trick R Treat, Cinema Paradiso
Who would play you in the movie of your life: Keifer Sutherland (I’m a fatter version of him if you look very closely)
Cinematic turn-offs: Dubbing oh dear god I hate dubbing with a passion… ruins Giallo films for me!
Mike tries to watch a film a day and will watch anything – and he means anything – especially if it’s playing at Cineworld. He has an odd addiction to repeat viewings at the cinema; not just twice, or even three times, we are talking about entering into double figures for just one 2014 film. Answers on a postcard?
Name: Carole Petts
Five favourite films: Ghostbusters, Cool Hand Luke, Evil Dead 2, X2, The Godfather
Who would play you in the movie of your life: Tilda Swinton
Cinematic turn-offs: Rom-coms, unnecessarily long films, Brett Ratner
Carole’s devotion to Nic Cage knows no bounds. It’s often said that if you’re in Central London late at night and listen really carefully, her pines for Cage can be heard for miles around. Particularly if you happen to be listening to the podcast at the time.
Name: Andrew Brooker
Five favourite films: Fight Club, American History X, Aliens, Oldboy, Training Day
Who would play you in the movie of your life: I want Chris Hemsworth. I’ll get Seth Rogen
Cinematic turn-offs: Pointless, shoddy, Paint-By-Numbers remakes. Final films that are split into two.
Andrew spends his days in his office, rehashing sitcom and film quotes wishing he had time to write something meaningful.
Name: Paul Field
Five favourite films: Memories of Murder, Carry On Up The Khyber, Clerks 2, Paradise Lost, Cinema Paradiso
Who would play you in the movie of your life: The Stath….. No? Alright… Charles Hawtrey
Cinematic turn-offs: Movies made by accountants, usually Lionsgate horrors with a checklist to keep a 15 certificate.
Paul’s father & grandfather were cinema proprietors. This somehow validates him spending an inordinate amount of time sitting in his pants watching films.
Gone but not forgotten (and founder of Failed Critics)
Name: James Diamond
Five favourite films: Back to the Future, Life is Beautiful, Alien, Amelie, Pulp Fiction
Who would play you in the movie of your life: Clint Howard
Cinematic turn-offs: Pointless American remakes of Foreign Language films
James is the founder, former-editor and all-round Keyser Soze of Failed Critics. He walked off into the sunset and nobody knows if and when he’ll ever be back. He still hates Top Gun.
Failed Critics has grown from the ramblings of one man trying to educate himself on film, to the writers you see here today. We don’t claim to be experts on film, and we certainly don’t try to hide our cinematic baggage under a cloak of supposed objectivity. We just love films; blind spots, weird crushes, unreasonable prejudices and all.
At Failed Critics we’re more likely to break hearts than news. We care not for petty rumours and gossip, and we almost always pay to watch the films we’re writing about. Our personal connection to film is at the heart of everything we do here. Film, like all art, is about the way it makes you feel. The rest is just background noise.