Welcome to the latest episode of the Failed Critics Podcast where your hosts Steve Norman and Owen Hughes were joined by Brian Plank to review David Leitch’s newest action thriller, Atomic Blonde. The episode was recorded a day late and about half an hour short after Steve decided to copy the film’s star, Charlize Theron, and drink his own bath water. And we all know what Steve fills his baths with. Needless to say, he was violently ill.
Awight you pwopa nawty boys, oi oi! Brian Plank joins Steve Norman and Owen Hughes for a top, top podcast this week. We’ve got a review of Guy Ritchie’s new movie, King Arthur: Legend of the Sword. It’s sick, bruv. Banterific. As well as the Kaiju drama(?) comedy(?) action(?) indie(?) flick, Colossal, starring Anne Hathaway.
Where does a pirate keep his buccaneers? Apparently on the bucking Failed Critics Podcast this week, as Steve Norman and Owen Hughes are joined by both Andrew Brooker and Brian Plank for some jolly rogering – and to talk about Marvel’s latest space adventure movie, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2!
All hope abandon, ye who download this podcast as Steve, Owen, Brooker and Liam invite you into one of their seven circles of Hell for a special religious movies themed triple bill, just in time for Easter.
Welcome to the latest Character Unlock episode: Our Mass Effect love-in. First, an apology or two.
We are very sorry for the quality of the recording this week. Whilst it isn’t as bad as it has been in the past, there are sections that fall far below the lofty standards we hold ourselves to. Secondly (and not completely unrelated) we are sorry about the delay in getting the latest episode to you. Whatever could go wrong, did go wrong this week and tech issues before, during and after recording have been trying very hard to put a stop to our shenanigans.
But anyway, we are here and the show must go on…
Back 2007, Mass Effect landed on our consoles – the RPG franchise that some call the greatest in video game history.
Now 10 years later, the fourth instalment, Andromeda, has hit the shelves. In true Character Unlock fashion, the guys are going over a history of the space RPG and what made them love it… except for regular host Andrew Brooker, who we may or may not have tied up somewhere so to not ruin the Mass Effect fanboy fest.
Joining Commander and host, John Miller, are Lieutenant Lee Loverage and C-Sec officer Brian Plank. Together they prevent an invasion of rogue AI units, embark on a suicide mission to the galactic core and save the galaxy from genocide, all while punching journalists in the face, falling in love with aliens and making sure they “hold the line.”
Many questions are raised; some of them are even answered. Decisions are discussed, disputed and the team mourn the loss of companions, but it had to be us, someone else might have gotten it wrong.
Join us next time for your regular episode where Brooker retakes the helm and John may even spoil you with more tales from Andromeda.
So begins 2017, the year that will almost certainly end with our hosts ruining the podcast completely because they refuse to stop talking about their big games once they come out. Wondering how much time the lads can actually spend talking about Mass Effect and Horizon: Zero Dawn? Stick with us this year and find out.
But back to the present; with the Failed Critics guys having a well deserved week off (have you heard their stuff from the back end of the year? We’re surprised Owen is still standing) we have decided to fill in the film flavoured hole that they’ve left this week. What better way to do that with rolling in an Assassin’s Creed special that ends with us chatting about (and spoiling) the latest video-game adaptation?
Fresh from their New Years Eve hangovers, hosts John Miller and Andrew Brooker return to dissect the decade old stealth series and have invited Failed Critics regular and Assassin’s Creed super fan Brian Plank into our dark and dingy gaming basement to help us talk about the franchise that has moulded Ubisoft’s gaming model for nearly ten years.
Come spend some time with us as the boys enlighten you about their history with the Creed. What’s John’s favourite game in the series? Who is Brooker’s top Assassin? Is Brian a secret (American) psychopath? All this and more in our epic special.
Join us in a fortnight when we will… well, we don’t know. Join us in two weeks when there will be a podcast. About something. Shambolic as ever.
In the mean time, come find us on Twitter or Facebook (both @CharacterUnlock) and join in the conversation.
It’s just gone midnight on Christmas Eve, which means those of you who have managed stay up past your bedtime and wait for Father Christmas can officially open one of your presents early! I’ve got the perfect one for you, right here…
This brand new episode is a three and a half hour long ‘best of’ the Failed Critics Podcast from the past 12 months, all cobbled together into some kind of Christmas TV type compilation episode. There’s all of our favourite bits, including Paul’s famous quizzes, reviews of Mob Handed and Killer Bitch, every single booby-prize that Owen and Steve put each other through, all of our pre-titles and post-credit stingers, and loads more.
It’s not gift wrapped. It’s not store-bought. There’s no receipt so you can’t go and exchange it for any other podcast during the Boxing Day sales. But hopefully it’ll keep you company should you be enduring any agonisingly long car journeys over this festive period.
Merry Christmas all and a happy new year from everyone here at Failed Critics!
We left some mince pies and a nip of sherry out in a vain attempt to attract someone jolly onto the Christmas special podcast this year but instead we ended up with Steve Norman, Owen Hughes, Brian Plank and Tony Black.
Festive frivolities ensue on our very merry podcast with a Christmas-themed quiz to kick things off before a plug for our Failed Critics Awards 2016 (which you can vote for here before 27 December) and a glimpse at what we might be picking for each category.
You can thank Tony’s autocorrect for the invention of our Secret Sandra section of the show. Anonymously exchanging movies amongst each other in a ‘secret santa’ format, we somehow only exchanged one lump of coal. Steve ended up watching quirky black comedy I Love You, Philip Morris, whilst Brian unwrapped The Internet’s Own Boy (a documentary about Aaron Swartz) and Tony mulled over topical horror-comedy Krampus. Meanwhile, Owen sulked in the corner at being made to watch Kevin James’s Netflix Original, True Memoirs of an International Assassin.
We stuffed the Failed Critics Podcast Christmas turkey with a few new releases just for good measure (and to hide the taste of our giblets). There’s a few choice words for Office Christmas Party (look out for Brooker’s written review tomorrow – it’s a doozy) and a word of warning for those hoping to catch Nate Parker’s The Birth of a Nation. We even make room for a wrap-up of Season One of Westworld.
Join us again in a couple of days for our Rogue One: A Star Wars Story special!
Apologies for this week’s podcast being so late. It took us a little while to master the art of manipulating time and space, unlike a certain Marvel wizard who can montage his way through ancient texts on the topic. Steve Norman was closely guarding the FC library which meant Owen Hughes, Brian Plank and Andrew Brooker had to use all their cunning to get past him.
You know what, I’m just going to end that metaphor there. It’s possibly the worst one I’ve ever come up with and I’ll just tell you what’s on the podcast this week.
The big new release this week is – as you’ve probably ascertained – the new Marvel movie, Doctor Strange, starring Benedict Cumberbatch, Mads Mikkelsen, Tilda Swinton, Benedict Wong, Chiewetel Ejiofor amongst others. (Scott Adkins!)
In What We’ve Been Watching, Steve stays quiet as Brian declares Hot Fuzz the best of the Cornetto trilogy, Brooker quenches his appetite for all things gruesome and grotesque with The Woman, and Owen doesn’t watch anything at all, but reviews the BBC Radio4 horror The Stone Tape by Peter Strickland (of Berbarian Sound Studio fame).
The Earth still spins, the sun still shines and Hollywood still makes trilogies that nobody in their right mind wants, with Ron Howard’s third Dan Brown adaptation, Inferno, hitting cinemas last weekend.
Rather than expend any amount of energy reviewing the Tom Hanks led mystery thriller, the Failed Critics instead run through a triple bill of film franchises that should have ended before getting to the trilogy stage. Boy, were there plenty to choose from!
With regular host Steve Norman off celebrating his birthday, we drafted in Matt Lambourne to swivel on the comfy high-backed armchair and guide Owen Hughes, Brian Plank and Tony Black through another podcast. There’s no quiz this week, but a discussion about the new Star Wars: Rogue One trailer arose, as did a short summary of this year’s London Film Festival.
In What We’ve Been Watching, the team cover Netflix series Luke Cage and half of their newest feature-length comedy, Mascots. There’s even time for a chat about HBO’s latest smash hit, Westworld, up to episode three (spoiler free!)
Join us again next week as we’re back with a Halloween triple bill, resurrecting the dead… Spooky!
Refusing to stay down on the mat and not allowing our coach to throw in the towel, the Failed Critics are steadily climbing to their feet for one final round of the sports triple bill. The first of which was concluded back in August 2012, in time for the London Olympics. This one, coincidentally, is being released just ahead of the Rio Olympics! Almost as if it were intentionally planned that way…
Hosts Steve Norman and Owen Hughes are joined by Andrew Brooker and – fresh from his local Richer Sounds with a brand new microphone – Brian Plank. Each Failed Critic chose their three favourite sports movies. Did Owen try and shoehorn in Brewster’s Millions again? Did Steve just list the three Mighty Ducks movies? Did Brooker choose a film featuring a sport that isn’t American Football? Is there a single book about sports that Brian hasn’t read? You’ll have to listen to find out.
Also this week, due to the quick turnaround in podcasts, with the last Star Trek Beyond episode only released a few days ago, not much has happened in the world of film that wasn’t discussed previously, so the team forgo the news section for a slightly extended Olympics-themed movie quiz and a chat about the Bourne franchise – including a review of this weekend’s big release, Jason Bourne.
Join us again in just over a week’s time as we get back to our regular recording schedule for a review of the hotly anticipated Suicide Squad.
Welcome to this week’s Failed Critics Podcast, where the traditionally entirely-male line-up has been replaced, with hosts Stephanie Norman and Olivia Hughes, and their guests Andrea Brooker and Brianna Plank – and if anything, it’s an improvement over the originals.
The re-imagined, re-booted, re-failed foursome review the comedy film that seemingly hasn’t been able to escape public opinion over the past fortnight (for both good and bad reasons) – that is Paul Feig’s Ghostbusters, starring Melissa McCarthy, Kristen Wiig, Kate McKinnon, Leslie Jones and Chris Hemsworth.
The Ghostbusters appreciation doesn’t stop there for one of the guests, as prior to our main review, Brooker enthused over fan-doc Ghostheads, which is available on Netflix. As, coincidentally, is the latest Netflix Original, the sci-fi fantasy drama Stranger Things, which receives heaps of praise from both Steve and Owen. We’re all about the praise on this episode apparently as Brian also lavishes some on Guy Ritchie’s spy-comedy from last year, The Man From UNCLE.
There was even room this week for the group to discuss the Emmy nominations and for Steve to not mess-up the quiz!
Battle lines have been drawn. Treaties are being drafted. The U.N. were informed.
It’s Steve ‘Captain Anyway’ Norman on one side, using his sense of justice and principles to determine what’s right. Opposite is Owen ‘Irony Man’ Hughes, putting his logic and rational thinking to the test. Listeners, choose your side as Civil War erupts on this week’s Failed Critics Podcast!
Andrew Brooker and Brian Plank are caught in the crossfire, therefore rather than being referred to as “guests” this week, you can legitimately call them Failed Critics collateral damage.
If you haven’t guessed what the main review on the latest episode is yet, then go speak to your doctor. But just for clarification, it is indeed the latest Marvel Cinematic Universe blockbuster, Captain America: Civil War – and boy do we talk, and talk, and talk about this one. We have our usual spoiler-free review later in the show, followed by a Spoiler Alert after the end credits, where the team go into more depth without worrying about ruining the plot, twists, characters… or anything else for that matter.
It’s not only Marvel on the pod this week, although the show does kick off with a chat about a potential Punisher solo-series on Netflix after a short hastily prepared quiz. Speaking of, Steve sinks his teeth into the latest Netflix movie Special Correspondents, starring Ricky Gervais. Owen and Brooker also review the latest James Cullen Bressack / Zack Ward indie-thriller Restoration (out today (3rd May!)), before Brooker also tackles video-game adaptation Ratchet & Clank and Brian has a look at cult classic Rollerball.
Join us again next week as we pray that our cinemas show something, anything, other than just Civil War for the next three months.
It might not be the podcast you wanted, but it’s the podcast you deserve. It’s the proper critics in one corner, the audience in another corner, and your hosts Steve Norman and Owen Hughes with special guests Brian Plank and Andrew Brooker in the other corner. The final corner is where Sad Ben Affleck is hanging his head in disappointment, next to Henry Cavill’s pile of gold.
That’s right, this week we’re reviewing DC’s latest $250m mega-blockbuster, Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. Divisive amongst those who’ve watched it, as well as on this episode. We’ve a full spoiler-free review where the team discuss everything they liked (mainly Batfleck) and didn’t like without giving away much, before Spoiler Alert Returns towards the end.
Also on this episode: Owen reviews freshly released found-footage horror JeruZalem (that’s with a capital ‘Z’ and no lower case ‘s’); Brian prepares for Zack Snyder’s superhero movie in the only way he knew how… by watching Kramer vs Kramer…; Brooker revisits Failed Critics favourite Kill Your Friends; and Steve finally catches up with our third best film of last year, Disney Pixar’s Inside Out.
Join us again next week for any episode that’s probably not going to be 50% comic book oriented.
Welcome to this week’s Failed Critics Podcast. What’re the names of our hosts and guests on this episode..?
Shh! Don’t tell ’em, Steve Norman, Owen Hughes, Brian Plank and Chris Wallace…
Yes, that was a tedious set-up to reveal that on this podcast we’ll be discussing the Dad’s Army movie in our new release section. We’ve also got reviews for you of: heist-thriller Triple 9; a comedy sequel 15 years in the making in Zoolander 2; and the Bryan Cranston starring Trumbo.
In the news this week, the team sat down and watched every single film trailer shown at Super Bowl 50. From a Deadpool teaser to the latest look at Jungle Book, a new Bourne movie and even TMNT2. Yeah – don’t get your hopes up for that last one is all we’ll say right now. More importantly, perhaps, we also try to work out just what the hell is going on lately with Netflix stepping up their attempts to block users accessing multi-regions.
In ‘What We’ve Been Watching’: Owen comes to a conclusion about Woody Harrelson; Brian gets somewhat uncomfortable whilst watching the 70’s Paul Newman classic Slapshot; having only just now finished watching The Wire (for some unfathomable reason) Chris awards it five Brookside‘s out of five; and Steve undertakes a Nic Cage experiment to see if Left Behind is worse than Knowing.
Join us again next week for our full review of Deadpool and our Oscar’s Preview special!
NB: Apologies for the appallingly lazy editing job on this week’s episode. But, in my defence… TTTHHWWPPPTTTTT