In roughly two hours time, the SyFy channel here in the UK will be showing the sequel to one of the most terrible movies of all time. As Sharknado 2 invades our homes with its obnoxious characters, ludicrous situations and flying sharks, we are inviting everyone to join us over on Twitter as we live-tweet this, erm, event at 9pm.
To whet the appetite, we’ve prepared a short jawesome preview of the opening 10 minutes of the most fintastic film out this year.
The Asylum. Notorious to many as the studio that brought us – or, rather, inflicted upon us, depending on your point of view – such terrible low budget knock-off’s like Atlantic Rim, Two-Headed Shark Attack, Transmorphers and, of course, last years surprise cult smash hit Sharknado. That’s right. As the tagline states, “enough said”. It is literally about a tornado full of sharks. Can you imagine a disaster film plot line more terrifying than that? A volcano full of dinosaurs? An earthquake full of giant spiders? No, don’t be silly. You can’t imagine anything more terrifying than that. The thing is, neither can The Asylum. So, instead, they’re doing it all again. Only this time, it’s in New York! The scale of destruction will be insurmountable. The intern in the CGI department was probably shaking with fear at the job he had in hand when this was announced.
Anthony C. Ferrante’s sequel picks up shortly after the end of Sharknado. The most unlucky protagonist since John McLane, Fin Shepard (yes, that is the character’s name, as played by Ian Ziering) is now famous for his chainsaw-wielding fishy-weather exploits thanks to a massively successful book, “How to Survive a Sharknado”, as penned by his love interest Tara Reid. Whilst travelling on a plane to New York, we encounter the first of many, many cameos in the guise of Kelly Osbourne as an Air Hostess who promptly recognises our hero and, you guessed it, isn’t long for this world.
Already nervous about the stormy weather conditions, in an ode to the famous Twilight Zone story, Fin takes a peek out of the window only to see his worst nightmare! It looks like.. like… no, it can’t be? Surely not ANOTHER Sharknado?! I think it is, you know. And it’s confirmed as a massive toothy shark comes clattering into the wing of the aeroplane. Does Kelly Osbourne believe him? Does she heck. “It’s happening again”. It most certainly is, Fin. More sharks start pummelling the plane as the sharknado gets thicker (and so do I with every second that passes) until inevitably one takes out the window. Mayhem ensues as all manner of bull shark, blue shark, great white, hammerhead, Sharkie and George come flying through the cabin, munching away at the unsuspecting passengers. Fin boldly steps up to land the plane and, well, I think that’s as good a place as any to end this preview piece, just before the opening credits begin and you have to read the name “Thunder Levin”.
If this sounds like the most terrible start to a movie you’ve ever heard, you’d be right. However, it is every bit as amazing as a schlocky b-movie creature feature such as this should be. Sarcastic (I’ve spared you a ‘sharkastic’ pun there), ironic, self-aware, meta, whatever you want to call it, there’s no doubting that Sharknado 2 has its targets firmly set on a particular audience and expertly knows how to pander to them. Like us, we hope you’ll see the funny side of perhaps the Asylum’s best movie to date and will join us at 9pm tonight on Twitter (@FailedCritics).
We’re all going to die in a Sharknado – damn that catchy theme tune!